Monash University CC News


By Matt Varcoe

When Australia toured New Zealand a few years back and
Blair Pocock was opening the batting for the Kiwis.
Having played and missed at a couple he was then
approached by Mark Waugh from slip.
Waugh pointed at Pocock and said "oh yeah, I remember
you, you toured Australia a couple of years ago. You
were sh*t then too."
Pocock then proceded to hit the next ball for four and
pointed at Waugh and said "oh yeah, I remember you
too, you had that f*cking ugly old girlfriend ... and
then you went and married her you dumb c*nt."

Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African
no.11, after a 85mph delivery whistles past OB's
chin): "Why are you so fat?"
OB: Because every time I f*ck your wife, she gives me
a biscuit.

During Australia's last tour of South Africa it was
rumoured that Daryll Cullinan had been consulting a psychologist to
exorcise the demons that appeared whenever Warne removed his hat. No sooner had
Cullinan arrived at the crease than Warne snarled: "I'm going to send you
straight back to your shrink."

An English county bowler was having surprising success
against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd
played and missed at several balls.
Foolishly, the bowler piped up: "Hey Viv, it's red and
it's round."
A steaming Richards cracked the next ball into another
postcode and told the bowler,
" Hoy mon. You know what it looks like - go fetch

Merv Hughes was being Merv, aiming constant abuse at
English batsman Robin Smith. But having been told that
he "couldn't bat to save his f*cking life", Smith
smashed a four, walked down the pitch and said:
"Make a good pair, don't we? I can't f*cking bat and
you can't f*cking bowl."

Sledging can be plain amusing. It's unlikely Merv
Hughes was thinking tactically when he told a
struggling English batsmen: "I'll bowl you a
f*cking piano, ya Pommie pooftah. Let's see if you can
play that."

During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had been
shortened due to rain and the atmosphere was running
at about 95% humidity a very exhausted Arjuna
Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained" something.
He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell
through the effects mic you heard Healey's legendary
reply "you don't get a runner for being an overweight,
unfit, fat c*nt".